He can’t stop thinking about it. Shift ended, the baby given into the care of the CHLA and probably onwards to relatives or child’s services. Buck doesn’t know. Somehow they managed not to talk about it. The whole drive back, with Eddie and the baby in the engine and Bobby driving, Buck managed not to make it weird. Weirder. By the time he returned inside the engine the baby had finished nursing and was sleeping on Eddie’s chest, looking small and vulnerable but finally at ease. Eddie too looked relaxed and tired, but happy somehow. They didn’t talk at all. Buck googled galactorrhea and he stared for too long at Eddie’s chest, carefully not thinking anything.
Now, back at the loft, he should sleep, he is tired, but he can’t stop thinking about it. Eddie’s big hands cradled around the tiny baby. The way he got his own milk flow started with his fingers. Eddie’s face–that tight, almost uncomfortable frown, but also the softness beneath that. Buck has no idea what nursing feels like, but maybe, he thinks, it would feel wonderful. Close and intimate and full of love. Smelling that sweet baby smell. Holding something so tiny and precious and feeding it from your body. Being held and loved like that. He thinks it probably feels like heaven.
He wants that. He wants that so bad he can taste it. He’s so fucking hard in his pants too. He has no idea what’s going on. His dick is making the wrong assumption about this, because there was a baby right there on Eddie’s chest, and Eddie’s straight and his best friend and it’s absolutely not okay to perv on this, but–but his dick is still hard.
He can’t stop thinking about his fingers on Eddie’s nipple either. The wetness. He wishes he had tasted it. He should have tasted it. He should–
It’s another compulsion he can’t fight that makes him get up, get dressed and into his jeep. That makes him knock on Eddie’s door.
Eddie opens and looks at him and Buck swears Eddie knows. He looks disheveled. Actually, Eddie looks like he’s been crying.
“Buck,” Eddie says, but he doesn’t sound normal, instead he sounds raw and broken and–
Buck is not thinking when he pulls Eddie into his arms, close as he can get, when he buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie gasps and his hands grasp at Buck’s back, pulling him closer still. Eddie’s shaking in his arms and Buck can’t not try. He has to help somehow.
“Eddie–” and maybe Buck whines and his hands are full of Eddie, his clothes, his hair, finally finding skin and touching him.
Eddie lets him. Eddie lets him and pulls him closer and along until they stumble to Eddie’s bedroom, shedding clothes on the way.
Buck has no idea what’s going on, but he needs to be closer. “Eddie,” he keeps begging until finally Eddie’s shirt is gone and they’re on the bed and he can put his mouth on Eddie. On Eddie’s nipple. And it’s already puffy and it looks like it hurts and Buck only wants to help, to help and maybe taste, and maybe feel that–that–that love. He latches on.
He’s sucking with his lips, and tries massaging the nipple with his tongue, his fingers trying to get the milk flow going–he’s not thinking. Eddie’s hands on his back and in his hair, Eddie’s soothing voice, moaning and gasping and praising and–
Taste explodes in his mouth and Buck keeps sucking and swallowing. It’s sweet and fatty and it tastes weird, but nice and he needs more–
“Shhh, shhh sweetheart, baby, it’s okay.” Eddie’s so gentle with him, stroking his hair and holding Buck so close to his own body. “Shhh, be careful, slow down, it’s okay.”
Buck still can’t believe this is happening but he can’t stop.
“Careful, careful, it’s okay, shhh…” Eddie keeps muttering softly and it’s so good and so nice, and Buck is completely taken by surprise too when he starts sobbing in Eddie’s arms. Eddie doesn’t falter, just pulls him even closer, wraps his comforter around them and keeps playing with Buck’s hair. “You’re good, Buck, you’re so good, it’s okay.”
~~~
After–it should be awkward after. But Buck thinks maybe he’s too confused, too exhausted to make it awkward, and Eddie’s too worried maybe, definitely also exhausted, so they fall asleep like that, in each other’s arms, safe.
But after that, when Buck wakes up to an empty bed, he knows that this is it. One step too far. Fuck, he just barged in and started fucking molesting Eddie–who does that? What the fuck did he do? Why?
As if summoned by Buck’s self-flagellation, Eddie appears in the doorway, he’s shirtless and his nipples are beyond puffy now, his pecs are swollen like small breasts. Buck stares and has to look away instantly. Eddie’s holding a cold pack to them and Buck feels like he’s drowning in shame.
“Did–did I hurt you?”
“No, they’re just–” Eddie shrugs, winces slightly. “Sore.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Eddie! I shouldn’t have–” Buck’s clenching at the comforter, unable to look in Eddie’s face. “You must hate me.”
“Must I?” Eddie asks tonelessly.
Buck nods. “I‘ll get out of–”
“That’s too bad,” Eddie says, speaking right over Buck. “I was kinda thinking you might help me with this.” He gestures to his pecs.
Buck stares at him.
“What?”
“It gets uncomfortable after a while,” Eddie says like that explains it. He‘s blushing, which is the only thing giving him away, Eddie’s always so good at faking ease.
“Eddie—“
“Unless you don’t want to?”
Buck huffs at that. “I think I made it pretty clear that I want to. But–”
Eddie shrugs again and sits down on the bed next to Buck. “Hey.”
“You were crying,” Buck says and tries to ignore just how red and puffy Eddie’s nipples are close up. It’s distracting but he needs to focus here.
“It’s just hormones. You know the body releases all that oxytocin when breastfeeding, and when I had to give that little guy to the nurse–it’s just the crash down.”
He says it so simple, like knowing the cause made it feel less horrible, but Buck saw him and Buck knows him and–
“Eddie,” he tries to make his voice sound less empathetical, because he knows Eddie hates pity and that he’s sensitive about this. “C’mon here.” He lifts his arms, and Eddie shakes his head but comes and lets himself be held.
“I just really miss him,” he says into Buck’s skin, and Buck knows he isn’t talking about the baby anymore.
--- sorry op, this is less sexy than you probably wanted 🙈
Re: Fill: baby, can i hold you tonight? part 2/2
He can’t stop thinking about it. Shift ended, the baby given into the care of the CHLA and probably onwards to relatives or child’s services. Buck doesn’t know. Somehow they managed not to talk about it. The whole drive back, with Eddie and the baby in the engine and Bobby driving, Buck managed not to make it weird. Weirder. By the time he returned inside the engine the baby had finished nursing and was sleeping on Eddie’s chest, looking small and vulnerable but finally at ease. Eddie too looked relaxed and tired, but happy somehow. They didn’t talk at all. Buck googled galactorrhea and he stared for too long at Eddie’s chest, carefully not thinking anything.
Now, back at the loft, he should sleep, he is tired, but he can’t stop thinking about it. Eddie’s big hands cradled around the tiny baby. The way he got his own milk flow started with his fingers. Eddie’s face–that tight, almost uncomfortable frown, but also the softness beneath that. Buck has no idea what nursing feels like, but maybe, he thinks, it would feel wonderful. Close and intimate and full of love. Smelling that sweet baby smell. Holding something so tiny and precious and feeding it from your body. Being held and loved like that. He thinks it probably feels like heaven.
He wants that. He wants that so bad he can taste it. He’s so fucking hard in his pants too. He has no idea what’s going on. His dick is making the wrong assumption about this, because there was a baby right there on Eddie’s chest, and Eddie’s straight and his best friend and it’s absolutely not okay to perv on this, but–but his dick is still hard.
He can’t stop thinking about his fingers on Eddie’s nipple either. The wetness. He wishes he had tasted it. He should have tasted it. He should–
It’s another compulsion he can’t fight that makes him get up, get dressed and into his jeep. That makes him knock on Eddie’s door.
Eddie opens and looks at him and Buck swears Eddie knows. He looks disheveled. Actually, Eddie looks like he’s been crying.
“Buck,” Eddie says, but he doesn’t sound normal, instead he sounds raw and broken and–
Buck is not thinking when he pulls Eddie into his arms, close as he can get, when he buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie gasps and his hands grasp at Buck’s back, pulling him closer still. Eddie’s shaking in his arms and Buck can’t not try. He has to help somehow.
“Eddie–” and maybe Buck whines and his hands are full of Eddie, his clothes, his hair, finally finding skin and touching him.
Eddie lets him. Eddie lets him and pulls him closer and along until they stumble to Eddie’s bedroom, shedding clothes on the way.
Buck has no idea what’s going on, but he needs to be closer. “Eddie,” he keeps begging until finally Eddie’s shirt is gone and they’re on the bed and he can put his mouth on Eddie. On Eddie’s nipple. And it’s already puffy and it looks like it hurts and Buck only wants to help, to help and maybe taste, and maybe feel that–that–that love. He latches on.
He’s sucking with his lips, and tries massaging the nipple with his tongue, his fingers trying to get the milk flow going–he’s not thinking. Eddie’s hands on his back and in his hair, Eddie’s soothing voice, moaning and gasping and praising and–
Taste explodes in his mouth and Buck keeps sucking and swallowing. It’s sweet and fatty and it tastes weird, but nice and he needs more–
“Shhh, shhh sweetheart, baby, it’s okay.” Eddie’s so gentle with him, stroking his hair and holding Buck so close to his own body. “Shhh, be careful, slow down, it’s okay.”
Buck still can’t believe this is happening but he can’t stop.
“Careful, careful, it’s okay, shhh…” Eddie keeps muttering softly and it’s so good and so nice, and Buck is completely taken by surprise too when he starts sobbing in Eddie’s arms. Eddie doesn’t falter, just pulls him even closer, wraps his comforter around them and keeps playing with Buck’s hair. “You’re good, Buck, you’re so good, it’s okay.”
~~~
After–it should be awkward after. But Buck thinks maybe he’s too confused, too exhausted to make it awkward, and Eddie’s too worried maybe, definitely also exhausted, so they fall asleep like that, in each other’s arms, safe.
But after that, when Buck wakes up to an empty bed, he knows that this is it. One step too far. Fuck, he just barged in and started fucking molesting Eddie–who does that? What the fuck did he do? Why?
As if summoned by Buck’s self-flagellation, Eddie appears in the doorway, he’s shirtless and his nipples are beyond puffy now, his pecs are swollen like small breasts. Buck stares and has to look away instantly. Eddie’s holding a cold pack to them and Buck feels like he’s drowning in shame.
“Did–did I hurt you?”
“No, they’re just–” Eddie shrugs, winces slightly. “Sore.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Eddie! I shouldn’t have–” Buck’s clenching at the comforter, unable to look in Eddie’s face. “You must hate me.”
“Must I?” Eddie asks tonelessly.
Buck nods. “I‘ll get out of–”
“That’s too bad,” Eddie says, speaking right over Buck. “I was kinda thinking you might help me with this.” He gestures to his pecs.
Buck stares at him.
“What?”
“It gets uncomfortable after a while,” Eddie says like that explains it. He‘s blushing, which is the only thing giving him away, Eddie’s always so good at faking ease.
“Eddie—“
“Unless you don’t want to?”
Buck huffs at that. “I think I made it pretty clear that I want to. But–”
Eddie shrugs again and sits down on the bed next to Buck. “Hey.”
“You were crying,” Buck says and tries to ignore just how red and puffy Eddie’s nipples are close up. It’s distracting but he needs to focus here.
“It’s just hormones. You know the body releases all that oxytocin when breastfeeding, and when I had to give that little guy to the nurse–it’s just the crash down.”
He says it so simple, like knowing the cause made it feel less horrible, but Buck saw him and Buck knows him and–
“Eddie,” he tries to make his voice sound less empathetical, because he knows Eddie hates pity and that he’s sensitive about this. “C’mon here.” He lifts his arms, and Eddie shakes his head but comes and lets himself be held.
“I just really miss him,” he says into Buck’s skin, and Buck knows he isn’t talking about the baby anymore.
---
sorry op, this is less sexy than you probably wanted 🙈